The Porch Sitters on Staging
The Porch Sitters on Staging
The Lakes Region Professional Porch Sitters Chapter 603 met this past week on the porch at Gordy Blaisdell’s house in Meredith. It was a fitting place to meet to discuss real estate issues and the upcoming deer hunting season as he resides out in the boonies on top of a mountain. We figured we might see a deer walk through his back yard whilst we imbibed on porch crawler beverages and chomped on venison jerky. Dirk Davenport, Bubba Gunter, Travis D. Coletrain, Little Stevie Prestone, John “Leadbellie” Goode, and Rollie Rollins were all in attendance. It was a perfect autumn afternoon.
“I noticed you got a couple of nice buck heads hanging on your living room wall,” said Rollie as he plunked down on a rocker. Rollie is also an avid hunter and is always looking for another hunting spot to bag a big one. “Where did you shoot him?”
Not wanting to give up any info, Gordy replies, “In two places.” He grinned and continued, “You know I was thinking of selling this place down the road. Do you think I would need to take down the deer heads in order to sell? They look pretty good up there and they add lots of character!”
“You’re the character,” Bubba said. “I think you should take them down, so you don’t offend anyone and scare the kids.”
“They aren’t half as scary as the stuffed bear and beady-eyed little fox down in the game room.” Gordy replied. Just then a loud gunshot rang out making everyone jump. Then another and another.
“That’s just Jimbo down the road target practicing,” said Gordy. “This is a regular occurrence up here. If someone doesn’t like the deer heads, they’re sure not gonna like the shooting!”
“This is New Hampshire, you know!” added Travis. “People should realize that they aren’t moving to the city. You get out just a little way from downtown anywhere around here and you’re likely to hear some gunshots.”
“Probably not as many as in Chicago though and at least here you know they aren’t shooting at other people,” added Dirk.
“Well,” Little Stevie pipes in, “You know the general rule of thumb is to get rid of all the clutter, personal collections, and family pictures if they are overwhelming. You want to stage the place so buyers can imagine they live there. “
“Yeah, but you know,” I said. “I’ve sold houses with all kinds of animal heads with no problem. Someone looking at this house, in this setting, might be more offended by a huge collection of creepy dolls looking back at them rather than a few deer heads?”
“Yeah,” added Leadbellie. “Tell your agent to ask if the buyer is from New Hampshire or if he is from NaHamsha. If he is from NaHamsha, you can leave the deer heads up. If he is from New Hampshire, take them down and put up one of those plush fabric moose heads.”
“Or, how about a Jackelope or two? They won’t know what to think,” Smiled Bubba. “I once had a guy that had a collection of hundreds of beer steins lining the walls in his family room. There was no way to take a good picture of the room.”
“Good photography is one of the most important things and I am not talking about the family photographs on the wall!” I said. “Sellers always ask about whether they need to take all the family photos down. It’s all about taste. If you got walls covered with dozens and dozens of photos, it’s probably too much. A few here and there are OK, though.”
“I guess you gotta take it on a case by case basis and see what your real estate agent advises,” said Gordy. “But I am not taking down my trophies!”
Just then, as we suspected might happen, a big buck appeared at the far end of Gordy’s field. “You just come back in a couple of weeks now, ya’ hear,” Gordy whispered. “And I just might have three heads up there!”